{"id":259,"date":"2014-08-21T21:53:41","date_gmt":"2014-08-22T01:53:41","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.managementcenter.org\/?post_type=resources&#038;p=259"},"modified":"2025-07-14T21:39:49","modified_gmt":"2025-07-14T21:39:49","slug":"emotional-intelligence","status":"publish","type":"resources","link":"https:\/\/www.managementcenter.org\/resources\/emotional-intelligence\/","title":{"rendered":"Perspective-Taking for Stronger Relationships"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Imagine this: you\u2019re a department head who\u2019s been advocating to fill staff vacancies on your team. Your boss, the Managing Director, is sympathetic but isn\u2019t pushing as hard you\u2019d hoped they would. Your team is stretched thin\u2014delivering 100% of their goals despite being at 75% capacity\u2014and you\u2019re concerned about burnout and low morale. After yet another check-in without getting the go-ahead to open a search, you\u2019re at the end of your rope. Immediately after the check-in, you go for a walk to clear your head and call a friend to vent. Now what?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It&#8217;s human to feel frustrated when we don&#8217;t get what we want or need. At work, it\u2019s hard but necessary to find a path forward, especially when we\u2019re navigating relationships across lines of difference and power <em>and<\/em> trying to move the work along.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In this article, we offer advice and tools on <strong>perspective-taking<\/strong> to help you build self-awareness and authentic consideration of others so that you can build <a href=\"https:\/\/www.managementcenter.org\/resources\/four-elements-strong-relationships-managers-guide-relationship-building\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">stronger relationships<\/a> and get better results, especially during moments of conflict, tension, and frustration.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=tqz7UcCgbLA\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Perspective-taking<\/a> is simple, but it\u2019s not easy. For starters, the more differences between your life experiences and the other person\u2019s, the harder it is to empathize with them. Secondly, when frustration and a rocky relationship are layered on top of those differences, the faster we tend to climb the <a href=\"http:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=KJLqOclPqis\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">ladder of inference<\/a>, jump to conclusions, and act on our biases. Lastly, like any other skill, it\u2019s more accessible to some people than others. Among many other things, it\u2019s influenced by:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>How someone processes thoughts and emotions<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>One\u2019s understanding of others\u2019 verbal and nonverbal cues<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Cultural values and norms around communication<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>How those values fit within the dominant culture(s) of an organization and society at large<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Getting started<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>To engage in genuine perspective-taking, it\u2019s important to acknowledge and release your assumptions, biases, and beliefs. You don\u2019t have to let them go forever\u2014after all, our gut instincts and reactions do occasionally serve us well).<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>To get into the mindset of perspective-taking, start by checking your biases and \u201cshort-circuiting\u201d your ladder by asking yourself:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>What<strong> beliefs<\/strong> am I holding onto? Where do they come from?<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>What <strong>data<\/strong> did I filter out because of these beliefs, and why?<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>What<strong> assumptions<\/strong> can I set aside for now? What <strong>meaning<\/strong> did I make that I can reconsider?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Strengths, Pressures, Impact, and Actions<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Whether perspective-taking comes naturally or represents an area for growth and adaptation, you can use the following considerations to guide your reflection and inquiry:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Strengths<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>When someone\u2019s frustrating you, it\u2019s way easier to focus on their flaws. It\u2019s also the most important time to remind yourself that the person is a whole, multi-faceted human with qualities that you appreciate. This reminder helps you approach the person using the <a href=\"https:\/\/acecoachtraining.com\/green\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Green Lens<\/a>, which is about seeing someone\u2019s inherent value.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">Ask yourself:<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>What are some things they excel at?<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>What do you appreciate about them?<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>What do you think they most appreciate about themself?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Pressures<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Think about the internal and external pressures that they might be contending with. Consider what factors could create \u201cdrag\u201d for them\u2014what slows or delays their forward movement? These can range from chronic, macro-level challenges like systemic and structural oppression to smaller-scale, temporary, or discrete obstacles, like having a project partner who\u2019s been out sick for the last week. Pressures might not be objectively negative things. They can include feelings of responsibility or accountability that make the work and its impact feel important and high-stakes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">Ask yourself:<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>What do you think they\u2019re worried about?<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>What stakeholders do they feel accountable to?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Impacts<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Consider how the pressures play out in their day-to-day life and work. Note that our lenses have limits, so we can never fully know or understand how pressures play out for other people without hearing from them directly. This part of the exercise can help you make meaning, surface assumptions, and identify questions to ask them directly to get to better understanding.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>At the same time, consider the impacts that you have felt or observed. For example, if your boss is stressed because <em>their<\/em> boss consistently gives them complex, last-minute assignments, that may result in them putting things on your already full plate.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Consider their time and energy as well as physical, emotional, or mental well-being. Think about impacts on their work and relationships. Then, <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">ask yourself:<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>How do you think the pressures play out in their day-to-day life?<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>What might be some unmet needs?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Actions<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Reflection and perspective-taking are just starting points for finding a path forward. Assess your <a href=\"https:\/\/www.managementcenter.org\/resources\/using-sphere-control-build-resilience\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">sphere of control<\/a> and think about what next steps you might take. How you approach this part depends on the context and the relationship. As a manager reflecting on a direct report, you might lean toward providing support, coaching, or guidance. If you\u2019re in a tricky situation with a manager or colleague, consider strategies for managing up and sideways, like making proposals and sharing feedback.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Reminder: this part of the exercise is about exercising agency and taking ownership of your actions from a place of empathy and compassion, <em>not<\/em> \u201cfixing\u201d or over-accommodating others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">Ask yourself:<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>What questions might you ask them so that you can better understand their experience right now?<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>What can you offer or adjust to meet their needs and\/or yours?<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>What help or support could you offer?<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>What boundaries might you set and communicate?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Perspective-taking in action<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Let\u2019s apply this to the example about advocating to staff up your team.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Short-circuiting the ladder<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>In your frustration and disappointment about waiting for approval from your boss, a <strong>story<\/strong> begins to form in your head. You have a<strong> belief<\/strong> that it\u2019s hard to get approval to hire because senior leaders don\u2019t value your team\u2019s work (operations) as much as they care about programs. When you pause and reflect, you see that this belief is potentially a holdover from your previous job, where the admin and operations functions were chronically understaffed. Because of that belief, you\u2019ve<strong> filtered<\/strong> out the fact that your team has had two new hires in the last two years, amounting to 50% of the total number of new staff.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Reflection<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>In thinking about your manager\u2019s <strong>strengths<\/strong>, you consider that they are generally receptive to feedback and have advocated for your team a few times in the last year, including for one of the recent hires. You acknowledge that one of the <strong>pressures<\/strong> they might be feeling is that there are staff vacancies across multiple teams and their job is to prioritize which ones to fill first. The organization is going through a period of unprecedented growth, and they are responsible for steadying the ship to prepare for it. Also, their boss\u2014the ED\u2014has been out on vacation for the last two weeks, so their plate is extra full. The <strong>impact<\/strong> of these pressures is that they haven\u2019t been as present with you. And, they haven\u2019t been as communicative about why it\u2019s taking so long to get approval. You can\u2019t tell if it\u2019s because they haven\u2019t had a chance to slow down or if there\u2019s something bigger going on that they can\u2019t share with you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>After your reflection, you decide to take <strong>action<\/strong> by doing the following at your next check-in:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Ask questions to better understand what\u2019s going on from your boss\u2019s point of view<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Share your concerns and feedback about communication and transparency<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Make a proposal to hire a temp for two months to help your team handle the end-of-year rush as an alternative to hiring a new full-time staff person<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Check out our <strong>perspective-taking reflection tools<\/strong> below<\/span>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The more self-awareness and authentic consideration of others we cultivate, the better equipped we are to build and get better results, especially during moments of conflict, tension, and frustration. One key way to do this is through perspective-taking.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":14,"featured_media":10397,"template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"footnotes":""},"tags":[],"resource_types":[48],"topic":[39,41,45],"collection":[],"class_list":["post-259","resources","type-resources","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","resource_types-article-publication","topic-culture-relationships","topic-investing-in-people","topic-managing-up"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.0 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Perspective-Taking for Stronger Relationships - The Management Center<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.managementcenter.org\/resources\/emotional-intelligence\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Perspective-Taking for Stronger Relationships - The Management Center\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"The more self-awareness and authentic consideration of others we cultivate, the better equipped we are to build and get better results, especially during moments of conflict, tension, and frustration. One key way to do this is through perspective-taking.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.managementcenter.org\/resources\/emotional-intelligence\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"The Management Center\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.linkedin.com\/company\/the-management-center\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2025-07-14T21:39:49+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.managementcenter.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/TMC-Resource-Types-05_article.svg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"1\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/png\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@managementctr\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"6 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.managementcenter.org\/resources\/emotional-intelligence\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.managementcenter.org\/resources\/emotional-intelligence\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"The Management Center\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.managementcenter.org\/#\/schema\/person\/b39997ba6729b4aa67d429c2e2351395\"},\"headline\":\"Perspective-Taking for Stronger Relationships\",\"datePublished\":\"2014-08-22T01:53:41+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2025-07-14T21:39:49+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.managementcenter.org\/resources\/emotional-intelligence\/\"},\"wordCount\":1304,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.managementcenter.org\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.managementcenter.org\/resources\/emotional-intelligence\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.managementcenter.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/not-indexed\/2022\/TMC-Resource-Types-05_article.svg\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.managementcenter.org\/resources\/emotional-intelligence\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.managementcenter.org\/resources\/emotional-intelligence\/\",\"name\":\"Perspective-Taking for Stronger Relationships - 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